Infertility to fertility???

It's kind of a strange place to be.  Please don't misinterpret this post, I am not at all over looking the huge blessing we have received.  I am so excited and beyond thankful about this #2 but still nervous every day...can it really be real?  Like I am waiting for the shoe to drop...How did it take so long and so much effort and help with Zachary and not this time?  Why did it happen again for us when others are still trying for #1?  Questions I can never answer but do wonder a lot.  I rest in the faith that it has absolutely nothing to do with Matt or I and everything to do with His plan for these lives He has created or may want to bring into other people's hearts and lives.  

For those that never had to deal with infertility, this post probably doesn't even make sense.  I wish I knew more people who were in this category.  Unfortunately I know WAY too many who have been touched by miscarriages and infertility.  

So what happens when you "cross over" from trying to actually having a child...however the little miracle may have been created or through adoption or donors?  Are you suddenly "cured"...a success?  No longer able to feel/remember the hurt and pain of your journey to get there?  I once heard someone refer to infertility as a scar....it may heal and become less visible but it is always something that is a part of you.  And I think that is totally right!  Are my experiences now null and void because I have a baby and another on the way....especially since #2 was without assistance this time?

The problem is for me, that even though I am pregnant again, I STILL feel like I am in the "infertile club", yet they don't accept me because I am not.  I am suddenly unable to relate (even if I can) and don't know how they are feeling (even though I do) because my story ended up with a baby.  And now again.  I worry about asking how people are or giving advice for the fear that they are thinking "what does she know or how can she relate now?"  Do I just shut up and not say anything to people who are ttc??

Since its my blog, I know that all sounds very selfish or self-righteous or pity me and some may think...why should I?  You are pregnant again and already have a healthy little boy!   But I cant help but feel a little lost in the middle.  Like I am unable to fully celebrate #2 because I know SO many others who are still in the trenches of TTC...i feel GUILTY for being happy!  I worry about being overly excited  because it may hurt someones feelings.  When people make comments about the kids being so close, I going into a spiel about how it took us a long time the first time, blah blah blah.  Why do I do that?  Why can't I just be excited and not feel guilty that we have another blessing on the way?

So anyway, it feels good to get some of that out.  I miss my friends who are ttc and just pray that their  journeys work out one way or another....and sooner than later.  And I will be here waiting!!